If you could be any animal in the world, what would you be?

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Haven't Blogged in a While

Herro everyone! Contrary to how I was before, I've actually been really busy. Which surprises me. A lot. I had an anniversary to celebrate on Monday (me and my girliefriends. Thank you, thank you.) to which I decided I'd be an idiot and make paper flowers. You know what I mean, hand-cut and folded paper flowers? Well, in my head I envisioned them pretty perfect. They weren't, lol. They were falling over and all disgusting looking, but she still liked them. Just goes to show you how understanding someone you love can actually be. Like the Gift of the Magi. Except for giving them something they like, you give them badly-made things that smell nice, and its a happy ending.

But I did come up with a gem while I was out exploring. I enjoy playing scary games. I've played System Shock and Condemned and pretty much any game that has a worthwhile thrill to it. However, the passed week I found two different games that span the spectrum of fear, and by fear I mean both the prolonged "Shit, I can't play this anymore" fear, as well as the "Ah, that zombie sure did pop up fast. Good show, zombie."

These games are Amnesia: the dark descent, and Nightmare House 1 and 2 Mod for the PC. Let me tell you about this shit,

Amnesia is a super weird game when you first look at it. You have no weapons, no super powers. You're a normal, human being. Actually, you're worse. You're more of a coward then anything. The character starts out unconscious on the floor of an abandoned castle, with nothing. When you come across a monster, and you will, you run away like a little girl. This is normally where the fear comes in. The running isn't even all that fast, either. So, usually, you either run into yourself finding a room to hide in, or you wind up tiring yourself out being chased and flat out die. The fast-paced shocks you'll get from these encounters will actually keep you afraid for the entire playtime. I totally recommend this game.

Nightmare House 1 and 2 is a free mod for Halflife 2: episode 2. These games aren't all that long, but the entire game is filled, and yes, I mean filled to the fully-rotting house and infected hospital with scares that will get you every time. I enjoyed these games so much, I couldn't help but play them a second time. There's even an intricate story for those of you that like that shit. If you have halflife: episode 2 I would recommend buying this, and even if you don't have it, I would recommend buying it anyways. I mean, Halflife 2 is only 10 bucks, and the second episode is like, what, 7? For all the junk you can download online, I would totally say buy Halflife 2 or another source-powered game.

So, there we are. I decided I'd fill you guys in to the little gems I found.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M627-obxNzg <----Click that link. I promise you won't be disappointed.

Beach Resort? Hells yea.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

When you know you should give up.

So, with little to do and even less to write about, I decided I'd blog about a little burst of inspiration that came to me in a dream. This dream was in the form of a commercial, perhaps you've seen it? I won't go into any details, but there were 5 people, in an elevator. Someone gets bitten. The end.

That's right. I've been pondering about M. Night Shamylan's movie career. I'm sure everyone has wondered this every once and a while. The man did make some good movies, but that was like, 20 years ago! Let's see, here's a list of movies he's made:

  • Praying with Anger- Hindu finds out his dick father likes him. He gets angry and prays.
  • Wide Awake- Never saw this. Don't know if I want to, I heard it wasn't all that successful. Anyone know what the famous 'twist' was?
  • The Sixth Sense- BAM! This was Shamylan's famous movie. Not spoiling anything, when Bruce Willis died, I started screaming at the screen, half laughing, half unbelieving what just happened. This was an expertly written script.
  • Unbreakable- In my opinion, this was attempting to be a cash cow on the success that The Sixth Sense was. Did it succeed? Hardly. I'd still recommend it, though. Bruce Willis is a badass.
  • Signs- Second BAM! Personally, I think this movie was okay. Supposedly, it really hit it off in the movies. I saw it on DVD though.
  • The Village- Hahaha. This is a pretty funny movie. We're all modern-day pilgrims because we hate the real world, and to top that off, we dress up like monsters and run around so people are scared to leave! YAY
  • Lady in the Water- I'm still not sure if I liked this or not. If you like mermaids and werewolves, and middle-aged hotel maintenance men, you may like this. Heard it wasn't that big of a success, either.
  • The Happening- Looked good, wasn't. Don't see this. Ever. Plants? Really?
  • The Last Airbender- I didn't see it, but I heard that Shamylan hates Avatar, so decided to sell his soul to the devil for the 20th time just so he could ruin it. 
  • Devil- This upcoming film is the reason I typed this out. Does this look good? Maybe. I thought it looked pretty cool in the theaters, up to the point where they pressed Shamylan's name onto the screen. There's definitely going to be a twist. They're stuck in an elevator, though. How good is the twist going to be if they're stuck in a damn elevator? 
I'll wait til it comes out on dvd. Either the girl that gets bitten fakes the whole thing, or they're all bad "whatever they are's". We'll see. Signing off.

Oh, and I just saw a commercial for Axe Detailers. Greatest catchphrase ever, or greatest catchphrase ever.

Axe Detailers: Cleans Your Balls

See above for catchphrase.


Friday, September 10, 2010

College on the Weekend

So, let's start off this morning (or afternoon, I woke up at 2:20, long night last night) with jumping into your perspective. Let's say your in college, reminiscing about your college days, or even looking forward to your crazy college shenanigans. Whatever, all three could work in this scenario. Let's also say its round out to be the weekend, and you wouldn't have any classes on, let's say, a humid-Friday afternoon. What would you be thinking about doing?

Now, some of you could easily say, "Oh, that's fucking easy. You're at a college, go party!" Yea, that would be a really easy thing to say. Here's the one setback. Where I live, there IS no partying. There's no happy-happy fun time. From my prior experience being here, being all that of....5 weeks, there -are- no weekends here. I'll name out the top 5 things people do at this WILD college on a weekend.

1) Shoot people
2) Go to a all-black Frat party (I was invited once. It wasn't too awkward until I got called out...by someone, I don't know, they all look the same.)
3) Turn your room into a fallout shelter and never come out until the coast is clear.
4) Kill yourself.
5) What I'm doing now. Blogging.

If I can instill any wisdom whatsoever to someone thinking of their options to go to college, I'd tell them one thing. GO. TO. A. BIG. FUCKING. COLLEGE. Or at least one that has parties on the weekend.

Or at least not CSU. -_- And yes, I'm transferring. -thumbs up-

Oh, and for an announcement-esque   type thing, supposedly Aion made an expansion a couple days ago? I briefly played the game, but now that you can have pets that hold shit for you makes the game all that much more riveting.

CSU on the weekends, and not a screenshot of Fallout 3.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

know what's great?

Pokemon are great. I don't think anything was as successful as Pokemon was. What do you guys think? I'm not really feeling like a blog tonight. I'm sorry ): I'll just leave this here...

Go, Charizard, and burn that mf-building down to the ground. Oh, and eat all the kids, while you're at it.

I was thinking today, and I decided.

In the very last Harry Potter book *spoiler alert* Voldemort kicks the shit out of Harry.

Me: on a good day.

But seriously, the literature of this generation is pretty sad. Some girl today was talking about what books kids would be reading in 10-20 years and their classroom, and mentioning books like Twilight and it scared the shit out of me. The day where high school changes from reading actual writers, into this vampire bullshit will be the day the schools need to be molotov'd. Shakespeare? I'll probably continue about this later tonight, at the moment it just bothered me enough to make an impromtu post about it.

Hey! Shakespeare! Meet the hero in modern-day lit: the douche bag.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Ice Cream Social and Manly Zombie Games.

Hey all. I just got back from dancing the night away at a WILD and CRAZY Ice Cream Social! Don't believe me? Good! Because it was more like Cold Soup Crapfest by the time I left there. I'm pretty annoyed, but that's okay. I was in Technical Theatre today, cutting up some wood, when I decided to play this game I frequently do. If you haven't played it, its definitely something to try walking somewhere or even sitting in a busy room. Here it is:

 *Things Required: Your imagination*

1) Place self in an area or situation in which you'll come in contact with a group of people.
2) Now, pretend each person that you come in contact with has in fact turned into a zombie.
3) Use imagination and/or realistically try to get away from said zombies.
4) Survive, die, or get thrown in a mental hospital.
5) Be a zombie survivor.

Now, that's how I play my game. Amongst all the chopping and slicing of wood today, I'm sure I got a pretty decent grade ditching the class as I screamed like a lunatic out of the theater and into the street. That, my people, is why I am a genius, and a man.

Oh, and this is more of an announcement directed towards Warcraft players, or more likely, people that quit and have been waiting for a certain event with trolls and gnomes in them. That event is now out, after a few months of development. I'm pretty disappointed, as I renewed my subscription just to play them. Now I have the rest of the month to dick around. Anyone interested in a Tauren orgy?

 Which leaves me to ask the next question: is there an RPG (mmo or otherwise) that you love more than any other. Let me know what you think. I'm going to go punch dance myself to victory now. Laters.
For anyone who doesn't know what "Punch-dancing" is. However, I don't recommend this in blu-ray. It will force your eyes to explode. /:

Last night.

I went to bed last night to my roommate screaming at a girl via skype. She was crying. Do you know what I thought? I thought, how could a girl cry while a guy screamed at her via skype? Why not just close the screen? So stupid. Why couldn't life just be like that? Someone asks you for your homework, and you just close them up.

Anyways, I've been wondering what I should make this blog on. Its been a constant ailment eating at my brain, all day and and all night. But, hell, why can't it be about what I want it to be about, which is whatever the hell I want! So, there. This blog will be me..kind of. And who am I, exactly? I need to quit asking so many rhetorical questions.

I live in Columbus right now, whether that's Ohio or Georgia, you can guess at that. Either way, its not a great place to be. That being said, I basically live in the hood. Yes, there is a difference between the "Ghetto" and the "Hood", which I just learned recently. The difference is this: when you live in the poor part of town, with decent-working individuals who just get tired and angry every once in a while, you live in the Ghetto. When you live in 50 Cent or some other famous rappers version of "the hard life" you live in the hood. Gangs, guns, and grandma prostitutes are also synonymous with this place.

Ask yourself this then: Well, Bear (That's my name. Hells yea, its real.), why does this bother you? Here comes the racial tension, brought out from many awkward situations, unrestrained: I'm a white male. Now, to an innocent person, you wouldn't typically understand what is wrong with this, but to most white and black people alike, you'll understand what I mean by this. Its frightening to walk around at night, where you'll see a group of people laughing and cutting-up (literally), and as I come walking by they go completely silent. In my shoes, you could be afraid of anything happening. In theirs, they're waiting for me to say some quirky white-euphemism like, "What's happenin', Fella's?" or ,"Are those real Jordan's, my brother?" I'm not racist, it just gets awkward at these kind of times. Especially after a gunfight just broke out. We're only in our 3rd week of college.

My interests include anything electronic, although I might not know shit about it. I do, however, know a good amount about videogames ranging from xbox 360 to PC. I read literature, plays, and listen to a broad mixture of music junk. Finally, I also play guitar.

Last, but certainly not least (She might read this, so I'm adding this in: I love you! xD) I have an exceptional girlfriend who, on several occasions, saves me from my eccentricity. She's the apple of my eye, the manure under my soil, the wind beneath my wings. All that beautiful stuff.

So, I think that briefly-ish summary of myself. I hope you enjoyed reading about me egotistically talking about myself. But you didn't. Its not myself, though. Its my blog. Screw you for thinking that. Jerk.

This is how I wish it could be some times. Unless they're fighting. Then the black kid's screwed.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

A little discussion before I go to bed..

I was thinking before I passed out on my bed: How do yall think the world is going to end? I, personally, hope for a zombie apocalypse. One, because it'd be a badass way to go, and, two, I'd be pretty well-off in that field.

Not like this, though. If you plant pea-shooters in your front lawn, and aren't man enough to shoot the bastards with a bazooka, then you might as well cut your own pee-shooter off. But, tell me, what do you guys think?

Change in Blog Plans and the Condensed version of what the Bible is.

So, I decided making a blog of my daily life is stupid. And really gay. Rather than do that, I think I'm going to test out a few ideas, and see what sticks. So, I'm going to start out by giving everyone what they want. But what is it what I want? Books, children. And what kind of book is a good idea, you ask? Stop asking questions, please. I decided on a book you should be relatively familiar with. If not, I'll tell you now its a pretty lengthy read. Back in the day, all people had to do was write about how they sowed plants, or watched paint dry, or fell in love with vampires. and they'd make -that- to be about 400 times less exciting than it actually was. So, without further ado, here's The Bible, by...Jesus Christ?

So, the bible starts off, and God is creating everything. Don't know who God is? Google it. So, he creates the Light, and the sky, and the Earth, and all that good stuff we live on. Then, he created animals, and us. After that, he got pretty tired, I'm sure we all would be tired after doing all that junk. He fell asleep on the last day. We call that Sunday, because God made the sun and used it as his crotch pillow.
After that, some people killed each other, and a couple of them became kings, and made an arc, and raped each other's sisters (Not their own sisters, that's disgusting. Just kidding, they did, though.) Finally, God was like, "Woah, woah, woah. Guys. What the hell? I can't keep sending you all to hell. What is this crap?" So, he impregnated this girl named Mary (Don't worry, he asked permission first.). Now, Mary was married to this guy  named Joseph, and he was pretty pissed, but then an angel came and said, "Hey, bro, don't worry. God did this to your wife. Just name the brat Jesus, it'l all be cool." So Joseph understood.
After that, they went to Jerusalem, and couldn't get in anywhere, because they didn't plan or use cheaphotels or whatever it is the kids do. However, this super-nice innkeeper let's them stay in their barn. Jesus is born, three pussy-assassins come in and instead of kill the kid like they're supposed to, they give him gifts and run away. The sheep are all happy, and whatnot.
Go ahead like 20-30 years, and Jesus did some cool stuff like beat up a whole bunch of dudes in a church, turn water into wine (everyone's heard of that crap, every comedian does that in their bit), and raises a couple people from their [insert ailment here]. While all this is going down, the high-jewpriests get super pissed that Jesus is kicking ass and taking names, so they bring in the good disciple Judas. Judas sells Jesus for like two nickels in what's today, and Jesus gets the crap beaten out of him. After that, he jumps out of his tomb, plays tag with a bunch of people, plays ding-dong ditch with a couple of people, and then flies into heaven, telling everybody to be good, because he'll be back every December. Couple months later, people start having these seizures and spitting fire and gaining superpowers, and that's what we refer to as the Pentecost.
Finally, this dude has a vision where its the end of the world, and there are dragons, and tattoos, and Jesus comes back with his tongue as a double-edged sword. You definitely need to see it.

And then Dumbledore dies. The End.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Oh, and for the record. This is how depressing a Stratus is....

People are scared of me, too...I just work too damn hard.

First Grande-Ole' Blog Title

Good morning. Or, well, good afternoon, I'd suppose. The mornings and afternoons this weekend tend to blur....like, every weekend, actually. Sometimes, I find myself going to sleep at 4 in the morning, only to wake up 2 hours later, refreshed. I ramble, though. I decided I'd create this blog for one of 2 reasons, and those I'll explain in not great detail, but slight, because that's how I roll, baby. The first reason is because-well, its kind of a hard thing to explain. I don't really know you all that well, and we've just started talking. Okay, I'm going to try and get this off my chest. I've been told that helps, and that laughter is the best medicine. So, here goes nothing....I'm a grizzly bear. To be exact, I was born off the islands of the Kodiak Archipelago, and am a member of the largest subspecies of bears. Living as a 1500-pound master of everything in the middle of Georgia isn't really my cup of tea, but, hey, I survive. Like this one time, I was going to fill my car up (Its a Status. Like in the Will Ferrell  SNL skit...it really is a depressing car), and I went in to pay for some of that black-gold. The cashier took my money, and smashed a few of those buttons, the one's that say "Oh, I have no idea what the hell I'm doing, but I'm going to make it look like I'm working and putting your money in." When I walked back out and realized that I had no money on the machine, my animal instincts began to ensue. I went back inside, and calmly mauled everyone inside with my giant bearlike claws, before catching a fish midstream and high-tailing it out of there.

That was a joke..partially. All of that really did happen, I just hope you laughed, or something. The second reason I'm typing this up is because I need something to catalog my thoughts. Starting college as a freshmen, with roommates that have shot people, and all combined with a planned major that could get me killed (any guesses, anyone?....its Theatre. Yep, you wouldn't think that would kill me, but you're wrong.), all seem like something memorable to write down. So, think of this as my private-little diary...but online, for everyone to read. Long story short: I'm really bad at telling people how my day is, so I decided I'd type it out, so whenever anyone asked, I could just throw them in this direction.

So, I'm done. I remember being in a therapy session with a few other polite gents, and the leader said, "Admit you have a problem. I like to dress in little kid's clothes and take pictures of myself." That was the gist of it. Here we are. Admitting I have a problem. I really do think I'm a Kodiak Bear. And I can't be tamed. Like Miley Cyrus. God, She's annoying.

At least you can tell people I taught you something, huh?